“Pick a card. Any card.” Ryder, Oracular Satyracular
You, Intrepid Reader “I’m sorry, what?”
“Thou wanted to know what lies ahead, didſt thou not? Pick a
card.” Ryder
You “Look — i’m just here to browse a website. I don’t
have time for this roleplay dross.”
“Suit thyſelf. Juſt know that i am not to blame if the Fates do not ſmile
upon thee.” Ryder
✶ Gꝛeat Bꝛitain ✶
Riſhi Sunak ſhall carry on as pꝛime miniſter.Whilſt his party’s approval ratings ſtill lie in the depths of
Tartaros, he remains reaſonably popular amongſt his
compatriots.
A Conſervative member of parliament ſhall croſs þe flooꝛ to þe
Labour party.It will likely be a member from the “red wall”. The member will
claim they better reflect the values upon which he or ſhe (or
Jamie Wallis) was elected.
Þe government of Scotland ſhall not make furðer moves towards
independence.They ſhall neither hold a referendum nor unilaterally
ſecede.
David Frederick Attenboꝛough ſhall not die.He is in good health for a man of his age and continues to
releaſe documentaries. This is not the year the Fates cut the
cord.
✶ America ✶
Joſeph Robinette Biden ſhall ſuffer a ſhoꝛt illneſs, ſparking a
public debate on his fitneſs to ſerve þꝛough 2028.The illneſs itſelf will only briefly impact his ability to
perform his job.
No clear frontrunner in þe Republican race foꝛ pꝛeſident ſhall
emerge by year’s end.Donald John Trump will moſt likely be neck-and-neck with Ronald
Dion DeSantis.
Elon Reeve Muſk ſhall ſtep down oꝛ be removed as chief
executive of Teſla.He will continue to make baffling and unpopular changes to
Twitter, which will remain a dominant ſocial-media
platform.
✶ Þe wider woꝛld ✶
Þe Chineſe military ſhall not invade any part of
Taiwan.They are evil, but they are not ſtupid — they have ſeen the
reaction to Ruſsia’s invaſion of Ukraine and will not take the
riſk.
Þe Ruſsian army ſhall be beaten back to its antebellum
frontlines in Ukraine.That is to ſay — at moſt, they will control Crimea and part of
the Donbaſs. I make no further predictions on the ultimate fate
of the war.
Recep Tayyip Erdoğan ſhall be voted out of office in
Turkey.Whether he will accept the reſults is another queſtion, one
which i make no attempts at anſwering.
✶ Technology ✶
A pꝛivate company ſhall achieve nuclear fuſion
ignition.One hour in Bruſsels is eight years on
Earth. It would be unſurpriſing
were ſome Silicon Valley ſtartup to beat Iter to the
punch.
Apple ſhall debut a virtual-reality headſet.Like the iPhone, its ſoftware will be locked down and
reſtricted to the company’s PG-13
walled garden. This will be to the chagrin of furries, gaming
enthuſiasts, and the European Union.
Þe iPhone 15 ſhall not have a
USB-C poꝛt……But the iPhone 16 moſt likely will.
A text-generation model as powerful as
GPT-3 ſhall make its way
into public hands.Whether through an official releaſe or a disgruntled leak, i
cannot ſay.
An artificial intelligence ſhall not paſs þe Turing
teſt.Much has been made about the capabilities of OpenAI’s GPT-4. I adviſe thee to follow
in the footſteps of a great modern poet: “don’t believe the
hype”.
✶ Entertainment ✶
It ſhall be a good year foꝛ block-buſter cinema.In particular, Barbie and
Indiana Jones and the Dial of Deſtiny ſhall be of greater
quality than many expect.
Kanye Omari Weſt ſhall end his own life, becoming a martyꝛ to
þe woꝛſt ſorts of bigots.It is the natural, tragic endpoint of his downwards ſpiral. A
throng of conſpiracy theoriſts will blame it on the Jewiſh
people, becauſe they have nothing better to do.
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