“Pick a card. Any card.” Ryder, Oracular Satyracular
You, Intrepid Reader “I’m sorry, what?”
“Thou wanted to know what lies ahead, didſt thou not? Pick a card.” Ryder
You “Look — i’m just here to browse a website. I don’t have time for this roleplay
dross.”
“Suit thyſelf. Juſt know that i am not to blame if the Fates do not ſmile upon thee.” Ryder
✶ Gꝛeat Bꝛitain ✶
Riſhi Sunak ſhall carry on as pꝛime miniſter.Whilſt his party’s approval ratings ſtill lie in the depths of Tartaros, he remains
reaſonably popular amongſt his compatriots.
A Conſervative member of parliament ſhall croſs þe flooꝛ to þe Labour party.It will likely be a member from the “red wall”. The member will claim they better reflect
the values upon which he or ſhe (or Jamie Wallis) was elected.
Þe government of Scotland ſhall not make furðer moves towards independence.They ſhall neither hold a referendum nor unilaterally ſecede.
David Frederick Attenboꝛough ſhall not die.He is in good health for a man of his age and continues to releaſe documentaries. This is
not the year the Fates cut the cord.
✶ America ✶
Joſeph Robinette Biden ſhall ſuffer a ſhoꝛt illneſs, ſparking a public debate on his
fitneſs to ſerve þꝛough 2028.The illneſs itſelf will only briefly impact his ability to perform his job.
No clear frontrunner in þe Republican race foꝛ pꝛeſident ſhall emerge by year’s
end.Donald John Trump will moſt likely be neck-and-neck with Ronald Dion DeSantis.
Elon Reeve Muſk ſhall ſtep down oꝛ be removed as chief executive of Teſla.He will continue to make baffling and unpopular changes to Twitter, which will remain a
dominant ſocial-media platform.
✶ Þe wider woꝛld ✶
Þe Chineſe military ſhall not invade any part of Taiwan.They are evil, but they are not ſtupid — they have ſeen the reaction to Ruſsia’s invaſion
of Ukraine and will not take the riſk.
Þe Ruſsian army ſhall be beaten back to its antebellum frontlines in Ukraine.That is to ſay — at moſt, they will control Crimea and part of the Donbaſs. I make no
further predictions on the ultimate fate of the war.
Recep Tayyip Erdoğan ſhall be voted out of office in Turkey.Whether he will accept the reſults is another queſtion, one which i make no attempts at
anſwering.
✶ Technology ✶
A pꝛivate company ſhall achieve nuclear fuſion ignition.One hour in Bruſsels is eight years on Earth. It would be
unſurpriſing were ſome Silicon Valley ſtartup to beat Iter to the punch.
Apple ſhall debut a virtual-reality headſet.Like the iPhone, its ſoftware will be locked down and reſtricted to the company’s
PG-13 walled garden. This will be to the chagrin of furries,
gaming enthuſiasts, and the European Union.
Þe iPhone 15 ſhall not have a USB-C poꝛt……But the iPhone 16 moſt likely will.
A text-generation model as powerful as GPT-3 ſhall make
its way into public hands.Whether through an official releaſe or a disgruntled leak, i cannot ſay.
An artificial intelligence ſhall not paſs þe Turing teſt.Much has been made about the capabilities of OpenAI’s
GPT-4. I adviſe thee to follow in the footſteps of a great
modern poet: “don’t believe the hype”.
✶ Entertainment ✶
It ſhall be a good year foꝛ block-buſter cinema.In particular, Barbie and Indiana Jones and the Dial of Deſtiny ſhall be of
greater quality than many expect.
Kanye Omari Weſt ſhall end his own life, becoming a martyꝛ to þe woꝛſt ſorts of
bigots.It is the natural, tragic endpoint of his downwards ſpiral. A throng of conſpiracy
theoriſts will blame it on the Jewiſh people, becauſe they have nothing better to do.
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