One of the more surprising results of the recent investigation into Big Boris’s lockdown conduct was the unearthing of a playlist used to motivate employees during their completely ordinary work events. Highlights include:

• Miley Cyrus - Regular Work Event in the U.S.A.,
• Vengaboys - We Like to Engage in Normal Work Proceedings,
• Cyndi Lauper - Girls Just Want to Become Civil Servants,
• Arctic Monkeys - I Bet You Look Productive in the Office,
• Avicii - Waiting For The Results Of The Independent Investigation And Report Conducted By Sue Gray,
• Walk the Moon - Dance then Shut Up, and, of course,
• Shaggy - It Wasn’t Me

This list of songs, no doubt, absolves the government of any kind of wrongdoing.