The GardenA blog by yours truly

Thoughts on Eurovision

It鈥檚 one in the morning and we just got done with watching the Eurovision. I鈥檓 still processing all of that, so this post isn鈥檛 the most structured thing in the universe, but here鈥檚 what i thought of it:

  • Justice for James!! That man was just happy to be here and they gave him zero points. Criminal!!
  • (Can we not just force Dua Lipa to do it next year?)
  • My top six, in rough 1鈥6 order: Ukraine, Iceland, Bulgaria, Norway, Russia, San Marino. (鈥淐omedy value鈥 is a factor on the score card鈥)
  • I really must add 鈥渢he voting spokesperson sings鈥 to the drinking game next year鈥
    • Also: 鈥淧revious Eurovision winner appears鈥 and 鈥渓udicrous musical instruments鈥?
  • On that note about the score card 鈥 the score card we use for our annual Eurovision party has five categories:
    • The song itself (out of 20)
    • Vocals (out of 10)
    • Visuals, staging, and dress (out of 10)
    • Je ne sais quoi (out of 10) 鈥 basically a measure of charisma, or how much you can tell they鈥檙e just happy to be there
    • Comedy value (out of 10)
    • My highest- and lowest-scoring this year were Ukraine (with 51 out of 60) and Germany (with negative 14 out of 60), respectively. Yes negative values are allowed if they鈥檙e bad enough
    • Apparently some family friends have included 鈥渟ex factor鈥 on their scorecards. Might consider adding that for next year鈥
  • Notes on the individual entries:
    • Cyprus: 鈥淢um can we have Lady Gaga?鈥 鈥淲e have Lady Gaga at home鈥
    • Israel: We decided that, yes, 鈥渨hat are they wearing鈥 also includes 鈥渨hat are they hair-ing鈥
    • Russia: That dress!
    • Malta: 鈥淲e have Lizzo at home鈥
    • Portugal: Nice and understated, by Eurovision standards
    • United Kingdom: Good heavens, we sent one that wasn鈥檛 shit!
    • Greece: Wow this must have looked awkward in the arena
    • Moldova: Made us seasick. The entire watch party was also in agreement that the backup dancers looked like Agent Smith from a poorly produced porn parody of The Matrix
    • Germany: In the 鈥渘otes鈥 section i just have 鈥渨hy鈥 written in giant letters
    • Finland: Kidz Bop Linkin Park
    • Lithuania: It felt like that guy was trying to flirt with the entire arena and i was very uncomfortable
    • Ukraine: She looked a bit like she would try to poison you with a potion of frog鈥檚 legs
    • France: Go back to 1930, this is Eurovision
    • San Marino: Flo Rida definitely 100% knows where he is and is not confused at all
  • The interval act wasn鈥檛 horribly boring this time! That鈥檚 an achievement!
  • The audience were so nice this time around. Cheering for Iceland when they couldn鈥檛 make it, then for the UK when they got nul points
  • Oh and apparently Italy did a cheeky line of coke in the green room and then sang the version of their song with swears in in the reprise when they won? Legends

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