Last time on “Stuff i watched recently”, i covered four thriller films. Today, we’re back to our normal farrago of assorted genres — and i must warn you, it’s been quite a while since i’ve seen some of these, starting with…

Mission: Impossible: The: Final: Reckoning (2025)

The first act of this presumably final entry in the Tom Cruise Tries to Kill Himself series consists of a clumsy, torpid recap of every attempted Cruisicide so far, interspersed with clips from past films¹ and people talking up Tom Cruise as The Most Important Boy In The World. But, as soon as Tramell Tillman’s beautiful visage shines upon the Imax screen, we’re shocked back to life, and the ensuing setpiece — a palm-sweating scamper aboard a collapsing nuclear submarine — may well be the best, tensest, and invigoratingest this franchise has ever brought us. (7/10)

The Abyss (1989)

Never doubt James Cameron. (9/10)

Primal Fear (1996)

Fight Club, but boring. The most 1996 movie to ever 1996. It’s fine. (5/10)

A Nightmare on Elm Street (1984)

Wes Craven dares to ask the unaskable: What if, in Halloween, Jamie Lee Curtis wasn’t a complete imbecile who can’t even hold onto a knife for more than five seconds? Nancy Thompson enters into the pantheon of sensible horror protagonists by doing everything right, up to and including hiding a second instant coffee maker underneath her bed.

The special effects are the star of the show here, from spandex walls to bottomless tubs, lifting up some shonky performances (Johnny Depp acts circles around everyone else in every scene he’s in) and a truly abysmal ending. With a premise like that, it’s not hard to see why it became such a sensation. (6/10)

In the Mouth of Madness (1994)

“Every species can smell its own extinction. The last ones left won’t have a pretty time with it. In ten years, maybe less, the human race will just be a bedtime story for their children. A myth, nothing more.”

John Carpenter knocks it out of the park again in this bizarre, prescient downwards spiral of metafictional cosmic horror. In an era of deepfakes, diffusion, and dripped-out popes, it can seem as though fiction and reality are merging. What happens when we as a society can no longer tell the difference? If you believe In the Mouth of Madness… it’s not going to be pretty. (10/10)

28 Years Later (2025)

“Hello, Alex. It’s Danny. The studio wants to make another 28 Days Later sequel. Any ideas?”

“Hm… What if we made it a touching coming-of-age story about coming to terms with the inevitability of death in a working-class North Eastern family?”

“What?”

“We can make it about Brexit too if you’d like. An island of strangers, and all that.”

“…”

“…”

“…I’ll get Young Fathers on the line.”

“Good, good. You’ve still got that pink Motorola Razr you shot the first one on, right?”

“Afraid not. I’ll have to use an iPhone instead.”

“Ah. Shame.”

“Shame.”

(8½/10)

Superman (2025)

The town crier came up to me and shouted, “Hear ye, hear ye! Superhero movies are good again!” So i gave James Gunn’s Superman a shot, and what do you know? He was right.

Mr Gunn kicks off his newborn cinematic universe by cannonballing straight into the deep end. The Superman experience is akin to starting a long-running comic at issue #387, in the best way possible. Superman has already been doing his thing for three years. Lex Luthor has a pocket dimension and Vladjamin Putinyahu has promised him his own personal settlement in Gazkraine.² Mr Terrific is there. Who’s Mr Terrific? The greatest character ever, that’s who. Absolute cinema. (8/10)

🔄️🎮️ Celeste (2018)

I forgot my Itch.io password in the move over from Windows to Linux, so the recent Steam sale was my first time in ages playing the GOAT platformer. I’m proud to say i finally beat The Farewell (and got the moon berry) legit. Fuck that comb room. (10/10)

A Room for Romeo Brass (1999)

Fun little flick! Every town in Britain has its own Morell. (6/10)

📺️ Murderbot (2025)

Yeesh. I wanted to like this — “autistic robots” is a favourite trope of mine — but my sense of humour and its just did not get along. A great example of how every show on Apple TV+ just looks fake. (3/10)

Red State (2011)

There was a moment when i thought this was going to deliver the most singularly insane twist ending in cinematic history. It didn’t. So what we’re left with is a miserable film about horrible fundamentalists kidnapping horrible college students and going up against a horrible ATF agent. Kill me now. (2/10)

Shallow Grave (1994)

What a palate cleanser! Danny Boyle’s first film gives him the template he’d perfect with Trainspotting soon after. Thumping techno tunes, a perfect mix of comedy and tragedy, and Ewan McGregor’s boyish face. (Plus, an incongruously spacious sitcom apartment.) You simply must see this, if only for the novelty of Christopher Eccleston with a full head of hair. (9/10)

The Fantastic Four: First Steps (2025)

The vibes are immaculate; the story not so much. This is a lean two-hour-long 6/10 that’s begging to become a plump and juicy two-and-a-half-hour 9/10.

That said, when the Four are heading to space in their sleek pulp-futuristic retro rocket ship, and the Human Torch gets smitten with the Silver Surfer… there’s a lot i can overlook. A good half of these points are just down to swish art direction and a triumphant score: (6½/10)