The GardenDespatches from The Satyrs’ Forest

Posts in EnglishPage 18

The Eurovision 2021 drinking game

Eurovision is coming up soon! The international camp-off disguised as a very serious musical competition took a sabbatical in 2020, no thanks to the coronavirus pandemic, but now that it’s back, it’s time for the annual tradition of encouraging our nation’s alcoholism by writing up a drinking game. (If, like me, you’re not overly fond of the golden drink, feel free to substitute alcohol with something equally sickening like chocolate milk. And if you are, please drink responsibly.)

One sip ☝️

  • Drink to forget the pain of a boring ballad
  • One of the presenters makes a joke that falls flat
  • Someone mentions the coronavirus
  • CrAzY DaNcInG!
  • Phoning in the set design by just using shapes
  • Innuendo
  • Singing in their country’s native language
  • “Ethnic” instruments
  • Pyrotechnics
  • Smoke machine, wind machine, or dry ice
  • Rainbow flag
  • Key change
  • Oh my god, what are they wearing?
  • Yes, yes, that’s nice, just give us the scores already
  • “Hello? Is this thing on? Can you hear us?”
  • A country gives douze points to one of its neighbours
  • If you guess the country’s douze points right, everyone else drinks.

Two sips ✌️

  • Something has obviously had to be curtailed or cut back due to the coronavirus
  • Someone makes a joke about the coronavirus that falls flat
  • Metal, punk, or some other unexpectedly hardcore genre
  • Singing in another language... which isn’t their country’s native language
  • A great visualisation, ruined by not standing in the right place
  • Singer from another country
  • Costume change
  • A technical fault occurs
  • Someone cries
  • Graham gets the outcome of the country’s voting right
  • The UK gets 12 points (this will never happen, but a man can dream)

Down your glass! 🍺

  • Pyrotechnics set fire to something
  • Someone jumps on stage during a performance

P.S. Other drinking games are available.

7AM puzzles

I thought i might as well use the ability to schedule posts in the future to my advantage, so here are some anagrams for you to unscramble. Maybe this’ll keep you all occupied for a few minutes. Some of these are, of course, (much) easier than others.

second cities
  1. was sane
  2. her bud, gin
  3. scowl at net
  4. them can rest
  5. dry loon nerd
singers for ac/dc
  1. “avowed”, ibid.
  2. an uncurled cane
  3. rude ferry medic
  4. tomgirls join a rebel
heads of state
  1. waning site
  2. trumpland VIII
  3. communal-era men
  4. zen heal: be quiet
  5. jibe: “rotten Eden bishop!”
in their prime
  1. elect me at lent
  2. the great ram chart
  3. a gold delivery god
  4. branch met an evil “hail!” ruler
  5. anarchy in the Lords? all bonny
Answers on a postcard in the comments, please.

Welcome to the new Garden

Ah, i see you made it over. Welcome, one and all, to the new, improved, Press-tastic The Garden! After months of having to toil away at arcane computer code and consoles for the old version, i’ve coughed up the money for a real web host, freeing me to use the much more user-friendly WordPress.

The new home is a little rough around the edges in some places; as a novice, i wasn’t able to fully replicate everything. I think, though, that the missing pieces are more than made up for by what’s new: you can now natively search through the archive of posts, i can post shorter postsα without having to go through so much faff, and most importantly, we now have comments!

So, with pride, here is the first dump of links of the new blog:

And allow me to finally say: Leave your thoughts in the comments below! (Or don’t. I’m not your mum.)